great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
