Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
