Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
