I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
