Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
