Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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