So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love accidental penises.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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