It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
