PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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