I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
