i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Found your dick twin last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
