its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
