and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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