I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
