Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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