it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
