you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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