Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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