dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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