Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
