I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
