Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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