cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she told me i tasted like america
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
