apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I look better un-naked...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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