i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
