your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
