Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
