I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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