omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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