Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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