i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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