In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
