all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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