when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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