direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
