the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize