I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
