you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
