I will die if light touches me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
