My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
