Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
