Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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