i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
