Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize