I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
