I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
