marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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