I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
