I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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