you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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