; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I still have a little drunk in my system
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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