1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
