So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
