My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
