Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
