The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
