There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
