Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
