So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
