I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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