I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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