census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
