Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
