i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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