o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
