she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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