so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
