I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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