just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
