She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
