You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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