My Higher Power is John Stamos
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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