Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
