Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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