i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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