This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it because I queefed?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
