I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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