I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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