All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
high people should be assigned attendants
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
