he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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