dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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